Lactating After Loss: When Your Breasts Ache Like Your Heart Does

September 17, 2013
Lactating After Loss: When Your Breasts Ache Like Your Heart Does

The experience of losing a baby is something that no woman or family should ever have to go through. If you’re suffering through the pain of pregnancy loss, you’re not alone – millions of “invisible moms” have miscarried or delivered stillborn babies. What can happen is that your body doesn’t recognize your loss and makes milk for a baby that isn’t there, making your loss not only emotionally excruciating, but sometimes physically painful as well. Unfortunately, lactation after loss is a topic that health care providers may neglect to discuss, and many women are sent home lacking important resources to manage their breastmilk supply.

Whether you want to suppress your supply as soon as possible or are looking to extend this connection to your baby, do what feels right for you. Everyone grieves in a different way and there is no right or wrong way to manage your lactation.

To Reduce and Stop Your Breastmilk Supply

Keep in mind that the length of time it will take your body to stop lactating is different for everyone. Depending on how far along you were in your pregnancy, you may or may not experience milk letdown or leaking breasts after miscarriage. Your breasts may feel uncomfortably full, but this pressure should naturally lessen after not breastfeeding. To make yourself more comfortable and reduce your supply, here are some steps you can take to stop lactating:

+ Avoid touching or stimulating your nipples, as this may cause your breasts to produce more milk.

+ Place cold cabbage leaves on your breasts or inside your bra. Cabbage leaves have been reported to help relieve engorgement and tenderness.

+ If you need to relieve pressure, stand in a hot shower and allow the water to run over your breasts. You can also sit in a warm bath and lean into the water. Both of these methods will cause milk to leak out. Allowing just a little bit of milk to flow can prevent plugged ducts and infections.

+ Apply ice packs or cold compresses to your breasts to relieve swelling and pain.

+ Take a pain reliever such as acetaminophen or ibuprofen.

+ Drinking sage tea or taking B6 vitamins can also work as a natural remedy for reducing milk production.

To Donate Your Milk

Some women may experience healing through milk donation. If you are interested in milk donation, you can reach out to a milk bank near you. Your hospital or health care provider might also have more information about donating your milk to a local NICU or milk sharing network.

Remember: every woman experiences the grief of miscarriage differently. Take time. Be gentle with yourself. Reach out to the women around you – you’re not alone.  One in four women experience miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Chances are, someone close to you knows what you are going through.

18 thoughts on “Lactating After Loss: When Your Breasts Ache Like Your Heart Does

  1. I lost my beautiful baby boy last week. He was delivered in distress at 33 weeks and survived on life support until we made the decision to stop medical intervention. 3 days later I started lactating which I found most upsetting. It’s a reminder of what can never be with baby Noah.

    • We’re so sorry for your loss. This is the type of pain that no woman should have to go through, thank you for taking the time to share your experience with our community. Here are some tips to help you stop lactating: We’re sending warm thoughts your way.

  2. I lost my baby boy last Sunday when he was 17 weeks. I managed to pump out colostrum and i actually take comfort from it as i still can use it for my elder daughter who is currently 2. However my husband has doubt that whether it is safe for drink as the milk is not meant for her??

    • Hi Chang – We’re so sorry for your loss. Our Lactation Consultant would be happy to provide a recommendation on whether or not this is safe: We’re sending warm thoughts your way, mama.

    • I lost my 22 weeks tiny baby 3 days ago. Now my heart and breasts hurt. Remember that you are not alone in this. Take this sadness and turn it into something positive for you and your baby.

      • We’re so sorry for your loss, Leah. Thank you for taking the time to share your kind words and positive attitude. We are sending warm thoughts your way.

  3. I lost my baby girl 3 days ago she was 23 weeks old my breast hurt and my heart hurt more every time I’m thinking this milk suppose 2 b for my baby girl, I don’t know how could anyone come over this pain it’s just hurt so much 💔

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